Saturday, November 7, 2015

This is Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Halloween is completely and utterly amazing, each and every year. There is just something so immature, fun, and out of the norm to dress up and be someone we really are not. Watching smiling children run house to house with candy bags in tote and the silliest costumes intact make me smile ear to ear. This year was perfect to say the least, but then again after three costumes for myself I was ready to move on to November. 

The first costume came upon by our pets study within preschool. We decided to see if the students wanted to dress as their favorite pet for their fall party. I borrowed a costume from a teacher friend and just knew that I needed a costume to match. 

After a huge fail of trying to dye clothing items. Which completely embarrassingly turned neon green rather than yellow, I could only praise God that they were yard sale items. So the next day I quickly headed to Goodwill. In no time, I had a costume.

I made the hat, tie and leg cuffs from felt I purchased on sale. All in all, this was a fun costume. Most importantly Bryar loved it, including all of the funny looks I received in he car rider line. 

The next day we had dress up for our last day of Red Ribbon Week. The teacher that I work with and I wanted to do a pair costume. We couldn't really play out good cop, bad cop so we went the wicked witch and Glenda the good. This was once again, another fun day. The kids loved our witches and my crown as well.

Then Halloween day, finally arrived. Can I just vote that Halloween will forever be on a Saturday? It was so stress free and fun to be able to relax and not rush all over two counties.

We relaxed all morning before heading to our church Harvest Festival. A few years ago they turned the Harvest Festival into an outreach service and it's so much fun for the kids. 

Bryar desperately needed a nap or maybe he just dislikes being that baby brother who dresses up to pair with big sister! Haha! I just keep crossing my fingers that we have a few more years of this fun. 

Cinderella and her little mouse friends were so cute. I made Bryar's ears and mine as well. Being Gus Gus and Jaq to our beautiful Cinderella became more and more fun throughout the night. 

We decided to trick-or-treat in a new area that we have heard about for years called, "Pumpkin Alley." I now officially realize why this place is so highly talked about. I felt as if I was in a scene of Hocus Pocus. We will be back each year possible from now on. 

We ended up finding our Prince Charming while out walking the streets. But after hearing "is your costume" real or fake 5 million times, we decided that our night of trick or treating was ready to end. 

Cinderella discarded her shoes and we decided to head off to the next ball of family events. Which included tons of food and family time, before we headed home wayyy before the clock even struck  midnight. 

Now we are full blown Thanksgiving mode, and are all about respecting the turkey {and deer season} before the Christmas spirit arrives. 

Monday, October 12, 2015

It's The Great Pumpkin Bryar Wayne!

I'm Bryar's fourth birthday arrived one very short week ago on October 5th. If it isn't obvious enough already, I will scream it a loud that I love celebrating birthdays...and pretty much any occasion that can be celebrated. 

I don't do this exactly for my children. Because..seriously what kind of selfish Mom would I be if I didn't in some way, form or fashion do it because I just love it. My kids will probably never remember their parties, or how many hours I spend painting a photo prop. But my gracious, I will and I will look back and smile, every single time. 

It makes my heart happy to see another year pass by with my children in my arms, happy and healthy. The Lord has leant them out to me to love, care for and teach within his ways, so I love to be joyous {and maybe even a little stressed to the max in moments} for the days that remind us of how blessed we truly are. 

Bryar is a lover of all things, superhero, Halloween and anything "spoookyyyy." While planning for birthday number four, it took all I had to not head full hulk force into super hero party planning mode. But then, big sister graciously reminded me that she, "uhm, don't really remember her sweet shoppe fourth birthday all that much." So, I took it upon myself to think of the perfect Halloween theme. Curious George BOOfest was out of the question, because that's just ...hard.
Then, I remembered how much he loved Charlie Brown's, It's The Great Pumpkin and flew with it.

He was overly ecstatic with the idea and thought Charlie Brown was just hilariously cool. 

My Mother in law was sweet enough to make a cake for the party. It was chocolate with buttercream icing, and three yummy layers! So tasty! 

It may have been an afternoon of painting, and sore arms the next day, but this is by far one of my most favorite projects ever! 

I really lucked out and found free printables online. 

He really is the cutest little fella, ever! 

May he forever be a Mommys boy! 

What would a birthday party be without nerf guns? 

In Kentucky, we obviously ride hay wagons like roller coasters.

A sweet lady came out to let us borrow her projector to watch the great movie on the barn side. The kids loved relaxing as the party ended while watching the show. 

Thank you to all of our family and friends who helped in so many ways to make this party the best. It was SO much du relaxing on the hayride and watching th e movie on the barn. This my friends, is where memories are made. I couldn't have asked for it to be anymore perfect, and I believe Bryar agreed.

This photo was taken at nearly ten o'clock the next morning. 

Friday, October 2, 2015

My Spirits Aren't Crushed.

"We have to pray with our eyes towards God, rather than on the difficulties."

This is truly the hardest task for me. I sometimes call myself pessimistic Paige. I fret, I get angry, I cry, I hide it inside, but for some reason the older I get the more I'm letting my emotions out. Which is so confusing, because that is not the woman that I am. 

But reality is hard. It's a difficult process to accept things. Just this week, I (jokingly.. Kind of) asked my Mother if I could move back home. To say that my heart hurts is an understatement. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sitting in my bathroom, hiding from my children at this moment with tears rolling down my cheeks. It would be a fib, if I said that I didn't break down crying yesterday because Charli Beth's last two ball games were cancelled. I would be comiting yet another sin, if I said that every happy moment I am in, isn't followed by a horrific face just sad of the possibilities. 

You see, it's literally pulling emotions through me of the "what ifs." I'm on a emotional roller coaster, and my worst fear is upon me.

It's not something that any of us ever think that we may have to face. Then the "bad c word" arrives and it strikes another light, and brings to life the pain that so many have. 

It may not be the process I ever invisioned, and the reality of how weak I am is slapping me in the face Mike Tyson style. But somewhere deep in these emotions, I will find hope. I will find the point where I no longer look around and worry. 

It's confusing to be in a stage of grief when there is so much life around me.

 I find peace in scriptures that come to mind of how the Lord is with the broken-hearted. My spirits are not crushed, but they are hurting. My Lord is hearing my cries, and seeing my heartache. For this, I know he will provide. In some way, some form, or fashion. His will always shines through. But that doesn't mean it takes my hurt as a daughter away. 

At some point, I will figure out what hope means. I will not be annoyed by the person saying, "God always has a reason." (I mean really shut up with that.) I will not start crying while watching my kids or when Tombstone comes on the tv. I will learn that time is precious, and for that very reason I shall be happy within the moment.

But for now, I'm sad. I just don't understand, and have more emotions than Drop Dead Fred. 


I may not update between now and Monday. So, please be in prayer for my Dad as he begins his new chemo journey on Monday at 9 a.m. May he be as strong and positive as he always is, and my Mother as well. 

Monday, September 28, 2015

His battle, is our battle. Forever supporting my Dad.

This small church has held my family for many years. We've gathered together for holidays, Sunday worships, weddings and youth gatherings. I've sat on the pews, and prayed at the altar. I've cried and also sat in peace while listening to sermons that spoke to the core of my heart. 

It never fails that when I go "home" I feel at peace. My heart feels content, and I'm just truly happy to see old loved ones that I rarely see in the season of life that I am in. Yet, this very new season of life kept my heart from feeling content while I visited yesterday. My heart ached, my tears ran over board as I held my Mothers hand. All while my heart just literally wanted to fall to floor while screaming. 

This wasn't the first time I had heard these painful words that my Dad gave in a testimony to his church. Although, they still felt the same. The tears still felt new, and the hurt in my heart had never left. 

On Thursday, my parents called my sister and our spouses over to give information they had received from the oncologist. My heart was unsettled because of the thoughts or "what ifs" that were plowing through my mind. I never once dreamed we would hear the words that came from my very humble, tough to the core Dad's mouth.

So I listened as he told us the news, and explained the unknown. 
His last chemotherapy treatment was thirty days ago, where his doctor advised him he "is as cancer free as anyone. But now his cancer had spread across his liver to both lungs. His oncologist advised him that at this point, if he were to do no treatments he would have a time frame of nine months to a year. 

That's just baffling news to me. How can a man that looks this amazing, has this type of positive attitude and seems to feel as well as he does be on that kind of time frame? It makes me angry, sad and just plain heartbroken. So I just sat starring in awe, trying to figure out how this is even possible. At this point, I'm pretty certain that look has yet to leave my face. 

His oncologist told him that the only option at this point is visit the Sara Cannon Cancer Center in Nashville. They will have the ability to give clinical treatments that are working for so many others. Even though this option isn't one that I ever imagined would even be a possibility, I am thankful for a hopeful place.

As I sit, over think and type my feelings out into this mediocre blog it just seems so unreal. I've woke in the mornings crying, had nightmares and just sat looking into the sky wondering how, why and just trying to understand.

I know that the "bad C word" is full of heartbreaks and even glories. So, I just continue to pray for the glorious day that this is no longer a monster standing in front of such an amazing man. But it has yet to take away the pain that I know my dear Mom is facing, or the days that shall come as I'm holding my daughter explaining words that I never want to even imagine. My sisters heart is so big, and holds emotions so well, but it breaks me to even know that she too is feeling this heartache. A Mother should never have to hear her son, give news as this. The cries that came from her heart, were some that I never want to hear again. The hugs between two grown men that have been best friends since they were children, would have killed anyone's heart that was standing near. Sisters that look up to their only brother for guidance and friend, I just pray that they stay as wise and prayerful as he always is. 

My Mom has been a strong, courageous, loving wife through the past year. As I know they were both looking forward to relaxing after surgery, and being done with the "bad C word" I also know she will continue to be just as amazing as she has been. Once again, it doesn't take away the pain that I cannot even imagine that she is facing. My heart just wants to make this disappear, take 12 years off of my life and still be a child running into the living room tackling him across the livingroom couch. I never wish this grief on anyone, yet this is just the beginning.

I've tried for days to even fathom the possible thoughts that I am just MAD at God. I mean how could my glorious Savior let this happen to my precious Dad. I want to be mad. I want to scream in a prayer and just ask why! But I can't. I sat outside with my children last night looking into the eclipse thinking just be mad at God. He has made something so marvelous like this eclipse and radiant moon, but my Dad is being given a time frame. But I couldn't. Something pulled my heart, and reminded me that with things as marvelous as what I was viewing, just think how prestigious Heaven will be. Some doctors may give time frames, but there is only one who knows when we will be called to the pearl gates of Heaven. 

Does this make my heart feel less broken? 

No. I just cannot physically wrap my mind around the unknown, and the thoughts of how sick he is. As a Mother, I cannot even type the words of how sad it made me to hear him speak of how he longs to see his grandchildren grow into adults. He has literally been an important figure to his Granddaughther since the moment Charli Beth entered in this world, as he sat by my side after rushing in to be there for me. I literally feel like someone is ripping me apart when I think about the grief, that my children will have. 

In saying that, Charli Beth does not know. This is out of respect for my Dad as his request and for her too. She knows that he is sick, but time frames are something that you never want to give children. Even hearing "the bad C word" hurts little innocent hearts. I never want to take her time with Pa and make it into a clock. So I ask that you be easy with words, and cautious as what you say in front of little ears. 

The friends that I have spoke to have asked what they can do for our family. At this time, just please pray. Pray for my Dad as he prepares to fight a new battle and my Mother as she fights alongside as a spouse. My heart may be exteremly sad, but to see my parents love for one another will forever be a blessing.

May I be strong as a daughter where I am continually feeling weak. May I never loose faith and always remember that there is a Savior prepared to hold our hands through long journies of sorrow.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

May All Pigs Be Just As Loved.

It's honestly the last thing that a parent ever wants to do. We all dream of flying through parenthood all cool and dreamy, with never seeing our children cry over sadness. Sadness can be extended to so many different levels. It can be in the form of discipline, death or just plain tragedy. 

In nine years as a parent, I have now watched my child cry with heartache twice. The first time was when telling her that Pa was facing the, "Bad C word." I will never in my life forget those tears, that conversation, or even the amount of tissues she blew through the night while I held her my arms. Then, this past week happened and she was faced with a new sadness. 

This may seem silly to some, but to others you will fully understand. Charli Beth is a full blown animal loving little girl. So loosing her pet guinea pig, Gus was gut wrenching. 

I came home from work as I headed to Tenenesse for my Dad's surgery and found him. We're sadly not sure what happened. After  attempts of stimulating him, I found it was best to head to vet where he passed. It was extremely sad, and I'm not sure my dear Motherly heart will ever recover from finding my daughters little fur babe in that state. 

My crazy tears and hysterical cries on the phone with the veterinary office while I tried to explain what was happening, all while I was suppose to be heading down to Vanderbilt for my Dad. I'm more than certain that they believe I am a nut case. 

We waited until I arrived home late that night to tell the children together. Charli was already curious as to why he wasn't in his cage, so when I explained his passing her heart broke. I cannot even imagine the heartache some children go through, because I promise that her strong Dad who also "never liked the creepy little thing" had a hard time with it. 

After a night of sleeping in a twin size bed with both kids, holding heads and wiping tears we've moved on. We're grateful for our time with sweet Gus, and so thankful for the many memories he gave to our family. From the many clean ups, tricks that Charli taught him, to the costumes she would make from scratch we will never forget the chunky little oinker.

May all guinea pigs be as well loved as Mr. Gus was. 

Sunday, September 13, 2015

28, is just a number right?

My birthday falls on September 11. I know, I know. Take a moment and gasp, or awe if you wish. I hear it every time I tell someone of the tragic date, is also the date that I celebrate my birthday. Each year, I reminisce back to the choir class that I was in chatting with friends, as we heard the news and turned on the television. Even though we are practically across the country, our hearts, mindsets, and worlds changed that day. Sadly still, it is my day of celebration on being on Earth with my family.

So each year, while in remembrance of each person we do so while blowing out birthday candles. It isn't only my birthday but my precious (now four years old) nephews birthday too. He somewhat, stole my center of attention, and decided to arrive 7 weeks early on this fabulous date as well.

But, what more fun can I have that picking on him while telling him it was totally my birthday FIRST.

My parents were gracious enough to celebrate with the children, my sisters family, and myself for our birthdays. The one thing about me that is probably worldly known, is that I am a foodie. So much so, that growing up my nickname was, and maybe still is Pig.

Yes, that's a tiny bit embarrassing as I grow older and even more so that I am married to a police officer. But I cannot lie, and say that it doesn't make me giggle. Anyhow, being the foodie that I am my parents let me pick what restaurant that I wanted to celebrate at for the night.

Of course, I picked a family style sit down meal that was a spread of country ham, pork chops, friend chicken and vegetables to match. Take about delicious.

I may have loved on the country ham, a little too much.

My silly Dad has jokes.

For dessert, I enjoyed Maple Pecan Banana Cake.

Can I get an amen?

Literally, if you are ever looking for a Bed and Breakfast to visit, with a sweet little town in tote, I highly suggest Federal Grove in Auburn, Kentucky. 

To me, 28 is just a number. I quit keeping up with the years sometime after the little princess in my life was born and I jumped ages by fifteen plus years. I may be getting closer to thirty, but I'm one more day close to another amazing memory with my sweet family.

Story of Mommy

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I am a Christian, Wife to the man of my dreams and a Mother first before anything. I am the very PROUD Momma of Charli Beth that is a five year old little lady & and a new precious boy Bryar that was born in October! I just hope & pray to be the best mommy & wife as possible! II am a very simple girl, and the little things in life make me the happiest. My heart belongs in the country, and I can never imagine living anywhere else! I have amazing dreams for our family and I cannot wait to see where the Lord takes us on this journey!

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